Your idea of a traffic jam is 10 cars waiting
to pass a tractor on the highway.
You can gauge the depth of your relationship
by the number of fingers your friends use
to wave to you as you pass by on the road.
"Vacation" means playing miniature
golf at the Dells.
You've seen all the biggest bands 10 years
after they were popular.
You measure distance in minutes.
The corner bar is decorated with neon Pabst
signs instead of hanging ferns.
You know several people who have hit a deer.
Your school classes were canceled because of
cold.
Your school classes were canceled because of
heat.
You've ridden the school bus for an hour each
way.
You've ever had to switch from "heat"
to "A/C" in the same day.
You think ethanol makes your truck "run
a lot better."
You know what's knee-high by the Fourth of
July.
Stores don't have sacks; they have bags.
You ask for a "bubbler"
when you're thirsty.
You hear someone use the word "oof-dah"
and you don't immediately break into
uncontrollable laughter.
You "borrow"
your neighbor you snowblower and hope he returns it before
the next storm. (And you don't know why there are
quotation marks around the word borrow in
that sentence.)
You see people wear bib overalls at funerals.
A clean bowling shirt is appropriate attire
for a wedding.
You see a car running in the parking lot at
the store with no one in it, no matter
what time of the year.
You end your sentences with an unnecessary
preposition. Example:
"Where's my coat at?" or "If
you go to town, I wanna go with."
All the festivals across the state are named
after a fruit, vegetable, grain or
animal.
You install security lights on your house and
garage and then leave both unlocked.
You think of the major four food groups as
cheese, beer, brats and Jell-O salad with
marshmallows.
You carry jumper cables in your car.
You know what "cow
tipping" and "snipe
hunting" are.
You own just three spices: salt, pepper and
ketchup.
You design your kid's Halloween costume to fit
over a snowsuit.
Driving is better in the winter because the
potholes are filled with snow.
You think everyone from a bigger city has an
accent.
The local paper covers national and
international headlines on one page, but
requires six pages for sports.
You think that opening day of deer season is a
national holiday.
You know which leaves make good toilet paper.
You find --20 degrees F "a
little chilly."
You know all four seasons: Almost Winter,
Winter, Still Winter and Construction.
You actually get these jokes and forward them
to all your Wisconsin friends.
